


I'll walk to the surface because of you

by Andrewsasaint



Category: Merry Happy Whatever (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Amanda is recovering, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Humor, yelling and fighting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:33:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23767768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andrewsasaint/pseuds/Andrewsasaint
Summary: Amanda goes to a bar to forget the pain of Kayla death but the events afterwards don't proceed as planned.
Relationships: Joy Quinn/Sean Quinn, Kayla Quinn/Original Female Character(s), Matt/Emmy Quinn, Todd/Patsy Quinn





	I'll walk to the surface because of you

A couple days later, she found herself in a bar, drinking Vodka from a shot glass. She would like to be in a club but Amanda just cared about getting wasted. She looked around the bar. Katy’s photo had been up on the wall near the door for a very long time. 

FLASHBACK

“You look hot! What’s your name”  
“Kayla”  
“Amanda”  
They laughed at their loud voices that echoed above the other voices. After a round of drinks, they started dancing even though there was no music playing. 

Amanda pointed to a polaroid picture of Katy a year ago with another woman.  
“Is that you?” She asked, still shouting over the hum of noises.  
Katy looked over at the photo and smiled, dragging Amanda over to the wall. 

“That my hot friend, is me and Veronica after me and my husband separated”  
“What were you doing?”  
“I don’t remember” She laughed. 

FLASHBACK OVER 

Amanda looked at the wall of alcohol and sighed before taking another drink. She looked at the couch and the small stage were Katy and Matt used to sing with Matt’s guitar. 

“Have you been drinking?” Todd asked. 

“Remember the first time we met? Me and Kayla were still friends but you saw how much I loved her and enicated me for that outlaw meeting. We sat at that table” Amanda said, pointing to a table near the stage. 

He only nodded, that uncertain look never leaving his face. 

“She’s at a bar, she must have been drinking,” Joy said, appearing out of what seemed like thin air. 

“Where did you come from?” Amanda asked, turning around to face Joy. 

“That doesn’t matter. What does is getting you home” 

“But I don’t live here? Only Kayla did” 

“You know, her room still smells like here,” Todd added in.  
Joy looked at him with a strange look. 

“How do you know that?” 

“I like that,” Amanda sighed. 

So, they took her to Kayla’s room, making sure to grab a bucket. Sure enough, it still did.  
Once her head hit the pillow, she felt slightly okay. 

DREAM 

Amanda had already been to three different stores and didn’t see anything she licked. But she wasn’t ready to give up hope yet.  
She got in her car and drove to this store. She had asked beforehand if it had the ring she was looking for. They said they did, so asked for it to be put aside and here they are.  
Suddenly, the Earth started to shake and she screamed. The Earth opened and sucked her down into its bowls. 

Then she was back at war getting shot at. The bullets whizzing overhead. She was panting, trying to build up the courage to shoot again when she heard a scream. Amanda popped up and saw Katy. 

Now, she was at a house and her heart had stopped pumping so hard. She didn’t know what was happening. She was here, there, and gone with the blink of an eye. 

“What are you doin’ here Quinny Q” Don asked from the doorway. 

“She can’t find a ring for me. She’s going to propose” Katy said knowingly. 

“Oh, just use Grandma’s old ring,” Don said, handing Katy the ring. 

DREAM OVER 

She jerked her body upwards, a gasp leaving her body. The dream was quickly leaving her but by her pounding heart, it couldn’t be a good one.  
Amanda raced to the bathroom and proceeded to empty the contents of her stomach. She knew that she needed to go to a meeting but a small part of her was rooting her to that bathroom. 

FLASHBACK  
“This is where I got my gay haircut” Kayla said, turning around to face Amanda with a smile on her face.  
Amanda just laughed and replied, “Gay haircut? I’m not sure that’s a thing K”. 

“Oh but for me it was. It was liberating” Kayla said. 

Amanda just nodded with a small smile, not sure how to respond. 

“Emmy totally messed up my hair because that was when she found out that Matt was going to propose” Kayla added with a laugh. 

FLASHBACK OVER

Amanda felt somebody rub her back. Just by his smell, she could tell it was Matt. 

“Matt, your annoying sometimes” 

He just made a confused face behind her back. 

“You're always there, reminding me of the fact that she is gone. Everytime I see you, I remember what you said after that funeral. You stepped up during it. I see you and I am constantly reminded of the fact that she is gone” Amanda snapped at him. 

Amanda looked back at his hurt face before throwing up again. Emmy pulled Matt from the floor and they left her alone. 

That's when she started to sob. Her heart was broken in so many ways.  
After her stomach stopped hating her, she flushed the toilet.

But when she was honestly scared to open the door. Her heart was pounding and when she did, she found nobody there. Amanda half expected them to be outside the door waiting for her to come out. That’s just the type of family they were. 

But as she walked out the front door and to her car. She felt so alone. 

She missed Kayla so much. Much more than she could begin to describe. It was simply one of those things where you couldn’t say what happened without crying because that is how bad it was. 

Amanda arrived at her destination, ignoring the texts and calls from Kayla’s family.  
They were worried, they had every right to be. They thought that she was going to go back to the bar. But as she pulled up to the building and parked, she still felt that same sense of dread as she did when she first came. 

There was a man leaning against the building smoking a cigarette. He had his eyes downcast but she could recognize him. 

“You still go to these? Wussy” Amanda said playfully. 

He looked up with a mean look in his eyes but he only scoffed when he saw who it was. 

“Who you callin’ a wussy? Your here too ya know” the man replied. 

But Amanda only laughed and walked inside the building patting him on the shoulder as she left. 

“Welcome back to AA Amanda, we’re glad to have you. We’re just about to start, is Ray still outside?” The person in charge of all this, Lillyann asked. 

Amanda jumped a little, forgetting about the fact that she always shut the door when these sessions started but never locked it. 

“Ya, ya, I’m comin’” The old man said. 

Amanda just laughed at that and took her seat. 

When it got to Amanda’s turn to speak, she hesitated. 

“I broke a year long streak last night. I went to a bar my girlfriend used to go to and soon enough I found myself drinking shot after shot. Her family found me and brought me home and tucked me into her old bed she used throughout highschool” Amanda laughed, recalling the memory of that night. 

It was a hazy memory, but it was there. 

“I snapped at a friend. I would jump into bed with him so fast it would make his head spin. He’s kind and everything. But….I’m gay and…..He’s married so, proably not in this universe. I honestly didn’t want to come because Kayla took me with her during Christmas. I hated her so much then because I wanted to keep drinking. I didn’t see the problem of drinking alcohol for the rest of my life” Amanda stopped to collect herself. 

“But I have had the best two sober years….okay more like 1 and a half. Throughout the first year, I relapsed and it wasn’t pretty. But hey hey hey, during those 12 torturing months she didn’t want to date me. So technically, I didn’t break that rule. But for the record, the only thing making me come here is the thought of her wanting me to come, so y’all better thank her in the afterlife. Thanks for listening” 

They all clapped and she stepped down from the stand and walked back to her seat.  
She listened to Ray and other people who shared. Some were clique and others were heart-wrenching. But Amanda would never say that to the person. She never told them why she drank, just that it was a problem she had. 

Ray clapped her on the back and walked out the door. She never understood why he did it, she even asked once but all she got was a shrug. It made her feel good in a way. Like she had somebody who truly understood what she was going through. It felt nice. 

Right after exiting that AA building she called Matt. 

“Oh thank god, we were all worried about you. You're not drunk right?” 

“No, Matt, I'm not drunk. Is that how you're going to answer every call? Because if so, then I can have to get some clever comebacks for that” 

“It’s just with how you acted yesterday night we were worried that when you-” Amanda cut him off with a laugh. 

“I was joking Matt” She heard a small Oh but she continued. 

“I decided that it would be best for me to go to an AA meeting” She said, letting the silence fill the air.

The conversation stood as still as the air for what felt like an eternity. It made her heart pump faster a little bit. When Matt didn’t say anything she added: 

“Hey Matt?” 

“Ya? 

“I’m sorry for what I said in the bathroom. You didn’t deserve that. Your a nice guy-” 

“Is this jump in bed guy? Lemme me see?” Ray said as he snatched the phone. 

“Hey, that is… you cannot tell him what I said” Amanda declared as she reached for the phone.  
But Ray just grabbed her arm and put the phone to his ear. 

“Jump in bed guy is what she called ya. Said that she would if you weren’t married” He said before handing the phone back to Amanda and running off. 

He replied with:  
“Didn’t like it? Don’t call me a wussy” when he made a rude hand gesture towards him. 

“Look what I said was-” 

“Who was that and what did he say?” He asked terrified. 

Amanda could only laugh at that. 

“I said if I wasn’t gay and you weren’t married I would proably jump into bed with ya’ you were just so kind. If you were female and unmarried. No harm done right?” She laughed as she got into her car. 

“Anyways, I wanted to say is, you have always been there for Kayla and me. You didn’t deserve to be snapped at” 

“Oh, well, um…” 

“Don’t let Ray bother you too much. He didn’t mean no harm” 

“Okay, it was just...I wasn’t expecting that” 

“That’s Ray for you. Is Breakfast still being served?” 

“Ya, Pancakes and those special eggs Paty makes” 

“See ya then. Bye” 

With that she hung up and threw her phone onto the passenger seat. 

THE END


End file.
